Elephants Dreaming

Went to bed around midnight, slept for a bit, and now I'm up again typing this at five of the morning. I tossed and turned for half an hour or more first, which was likely unhelpful. I do hope this isn't marking the start of a pattern.

( Insomnia notes )

While I'm remembering this journal still exists, I wanted to give thanks for the birthday wishes! I got a few very nice books, with likely a few more to come because the financial situation makes the timing awkward. I'm feeling somewhat annoyed at myself that I still haven't gotten beyond the first chapter of my Shadow fan fiction, but I'm suffering apathy and lethargy these days, between the general chaos of our current lives. I'm still quite active in RP, however, and I thank Myra's player for introducing me to Zatoichi. It fulfills my intellectual interest in character and foreign culture, as well as my little-voiced interest in a bit of good old-fashioned violence.
I welcome the cooler temperatures and the changing colours of the leaves, while chiding myself for not working on the various projects that I mean to. Life goes on...

I meant to post something, to commemorate the day. This morning over breakfast I even found myself writing what felt, at the moment, some very important ponderings in memoriam. Looking back at them this evening I found myself uncertain over the quality of my own writing, even the validity of my thoughts. Clearly there is some lesson here on the folly of deliberating too long over what is meaningful enough, what might be sufficient to honour the day.

I thought of it, however, long and hard, and in the end perhaps that is what is most important.

I'd meant to post this the other day, simply because I'm pleased about it. I put a few of the Nexus 100 prompts up on my website, just the better ones, and now it has a link from The Shadow Sanctum, which is quite probably the most comprehensive website for The Shadow fandom that exists. I've been billed as 'a unique fan fiction site'.

I suppose I'd really better get to work on that longer Shadow story, hadn't I... She updates every other month, and it would be nice to have it ready to send the maintainer by then.

Although not without some frustrations in the building process, I now have a completed website. I took the liberty of putting up the best of the Shadow prompts thus far, although they're not terribly serious writing. We shall see how all this works. I'm not in the habit of soliciting responses from those of you reading this journal, but I truly would appreciate a comment if you have any trouble accessing the pages. There seems to have been an awful lot of times when I simply could not access anything when I was putting it all together, and I need to know if this service is at all reliable or if I should seek some other host.
Happy reading!

This has been a very quiet week for RP, and I've been working on setting up my own web page, for my writing. This is something I've had in mind to do for a long time. I did learn the very basics of HTML once upon a time, and Rey has reference books about and is herself an excellent resource. Of course once it's properly up and running I'll post a link here, but the greatest difficulty I seem to be having is things at their end ceasing to work properly, preventing me from uploading and generally getting anywhere. It took me a bit of mucking around to figure out how to upload in the first place, but I think I've got that down now. Twice today and at least once yesterday, though, I hit times when the upload page itself simply refuses to load. I tend to walk away after a bit, because life is too short to sit scowling at a blank page. It is on someplace called X10 hosting and has anyone heard anything good or bad about it? I was simply looking for something free and easy without adverts, and they seemed to be top of the lists.

Advice, anyone? I suspect all of you of being more technically savvy than I am.

I'm sure I meant to post something before this, but as always I've been distracted. RPing as The Shadow is absorbing and gratifying, and feeds my escapist tendencies wonderfully. The character is rather like me in a number of ways, which makes any flattery directed at him rewarding on a personal level. Not that I'd confuse myself with the character, but he just seems to be so well liked by other players, in terms of how I play him, and messages along the lines of how wonderful it is to see him played and played well make me smile.
I'm also trying to push myself to write more, because I really should. My NaNoWriMo novel has been languishing, partly for lack of editing assistance, and I feel badly about that. I've written very little over the past decade, and that's a terrible realization. The ideas simply don't flow the way they used to, I suppose, or perhaps I'm simply out of practice.
Allowing myself to run with whatever inspiration I can get, I have an idea I'm fleshing out for a Shadow fan fiction that doesn't rely on the RP business of the Nexus. I also picked up the Nexus 100 table the other day and began mucking about off that with surprising success. I don't believe I ever finished it for Thorn, but I was attempting to do it entirely with poetry from his perspective. It was too great a restriction, I suppose, although I did turn out some neat little poems in the attempt. I'm reluctant to join up or post the table until I have a little more material, but I wrote three little things, I think they're called drabbles(?) yesterday, and I'm working at more. For the time being I might post them here, for feedback or at least the amusement of others.

In other news, I've joined Deviant Art, and although it was mostly to make a lovely little collection of other people's art to look at, I was coaxed into uploading a few things, if anyone's interested in either of those. I have an impressive collection of artwork of The Shadow there.

( The Shadow: Beginnings )

There's a relatively new cinema that's opened close by us, an unusual place set up inside a renovated factory from before there even were movie houses. The place does show conventional movies but they've got some other interesting things going on, one of these being Sunday morning matinees of classics. This Sunday it was the Maltese Falcon, and we got slightly dressed up and spent a little money we can ill afford, because sometimes it's what you need. The tickets are fairly cheap, $5.50 apiece. They were serving mimosas as well, because they have a liquor license, but I dodged that for a coffee. Initially, I wondered if I'd be taken for an eccentric in button down shirt, vest, long coat and fedora. Then we spotted a group of youngsters dressed to the nines in suits and black dresses, one of the girls carrying a model of the falcon itself! By the time I had coffee in hand, there was a line halfway across the lobby, and before the picture actually began, the theatre we were seated in was very nearly full. I can't recall the last time I saw a movie theatre full, and for an eleven o'clock showing at that.
It was a most unique experience, not only to see it on the big screen again but with other people who knew what was coming as well. There was audience-wide chuckling at the subtle jokes, and applause at the end. It was absolutely lovely. If money wasn't tight, I'd press for going again next week for Casablanca.

I consider this a bright spot in the bloody month of March, and therefore worth recording. Today, I think, I am happy.

Here's a more cheerful sort of thought. I only have... four active characters? One of those barely active at all... but anyone I have played, such as Moody, is also valid.

Give me a current character of mine and I will list for you their:

01.) Full name?
02.) Best friend?
03.) Sexuality?
04.) Favorite color?
05.) Relationship status?
06.) Ideal mate?
07.) Turn-ons?
08.) Last sexual experience?
09.) Favorite food?
10.) Crushes?
11.) Favorite music?
12.) Biggest fear?
13.) Biggest fantasy?
14.) Quirks in bed?
15.) Bad habits?
16.) Biggest regret?
17.) Best kept secrets?
18.) Last thought?
19.) Worst sexual/romantic experience?
20.) Biggest insecurity?

I suspect most of the people who read this journal read Rey's as well, and are therefore somewhat caught up on the household goings-on. Rey has been jobless for some time, Bridgie was struggling with medication changes, and got that sorted out only to lose her job as well. Since I haven't been working myself, we no longer have any steady, reliable source of income. It's an ugly situation, and one echoed loudly across the country, I suppose. I am confident that we will get by, between unemployment and tax returns and the inevitability that jobhunting will pay off, sooner or later.
I should be doing more to help.

March is always an ugly month in my own book, the time of year when I find myself truly wanting a drink again. There's an anniversary to be observed, the knotted tangles of blood relations to be prodded at, and the ever-distressing holiday wherein I am reminded that alcoholism and being Irish go hand in hand in many people's minds. Bridgie's birthday at the beginning of the month was unfortunately lackluster due to all that's been going on, and I feel badly for that.

Amidst the chaos I shall continue to practice escapism through roleplay. I'm enjoying plyaing The Shadow (evillurks), although the plot has stalled somewhat, again due to the chaos of our lives. I shall try to revive it.

I was reminded I've been tagged on a meme, some time back last month. I believe I'm meant to tag others, but I shan't. Anyone who wishes to do the meme may, and you're allowed to alter any questions you'd like.
( Read more... )

For any who might have been following, or those who haven't but would be interested, we have at last posted the final chapter of the Courtney Crumrin and The Shadow story, The Demon Hound. It is admittedly a slightly goofy title, but I was going for a pulp novel feel. I wouldn't mind actually writing some fan fiction independantly, but this satisfied an urge to get him involved in some Nexus-related adventures. It was surprisingly nice to play Aloysius again, although the latest release in comics has altered the perspective somewhat. The next issue, Bridgielove tells me, will be another advanture of young Aloysius, but that's not going to be out until some time next year. I am very much content to wait. What I'm anxious for is more pulps, which is ludicrous as I now have five, which makes for ten stories. Finances aren't good enough to consider a frivolity like buying another right now. I shall have to wait until there's more money in the pool.

There's a worrisome development in my wanderings, in the vein of economics. Every day when I take my walk there seems to be another new real estate sign up somewhere in the neighbourhood. The area I cover is fairly large and I have a few different routes, but it's not so large a piece of ground that this isn't disheartening. At the very least these are frequently the larger houses, therefore costlier to keep, but most disturbing of all is the occasional sign that claims this or that house will be sold to the highest bidder on such and such a night at a certain time. I have never, in my lengthy life, seen so many people so desperate to be rid of their homes that would put them up for a one-night auction. This practice is utterly foriegn to me, and deeply distressing. It's very possible it's a move of panic on the part of the homeowners, but I've seen these signs two or three times, in very different areas and for, it seemed, different houses.
We are not doing well, certainly, but we are not in any imminent danger of losing our place to live, our heat, our electricity, nor of starving.

I can think of much, much more to say in regards to the current economy and the country, but I will keep my peace. I wish all friends and family the best, until the world turns around. In the meantime, feel free to read the bit of lovely escapism above, and do leave comments, particularly about the art. We had poor Rey slaving away at a rate of one picture per day to keep up with the posting, yet each picture is wonderfully detailed and clearly took great time and effort.

I was born by the river in a little tent
Oh and just like the river I’ve been running ever since
It’s been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will

It’s been too hard living but I’m afraid to die
Cause I don’t know what’s up there beyond the sky
It’s been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will

I go to the movie and I go downtown
Somebody keep telling me don’t hang around
It’s been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will

Then I go to my brother
And I say brother help me please
But he winds up knocking me
Back down on my knees

There been times that I thought I couldn’t last for long
But now I think I’m able to carry on
It’s been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will

I hope my friends will forgive me for going an entire month without posting. My belated holiday wishes to you all, with a bit of groveling for forgiveness on the side. To make matters worse, what inspired me to post today is the news of a death. On Christmas itself, Edd Cartier passed away, at the age of 94. I do not expect many of you to know who that is, but I encourage you to follow the link to view some of his work. He was an excellent artist, and his interior art was as good as, and in some cases rivaled that on the covers despite being in black and white. His use of light and dark and negative spaces was ideal for images of the Shadow, and I always appreciate coming across his illustrations as I read. his artistic gift to the world is one that should be recognized.
Other links: A sampling of his work, Covers and other sci-fi work, including a bizarre assortment of aliens, and another sizeable sampling.

That said, I am still working my way through my newest Shadow pulps and Shadow comic, and intermittently House of Leaves, enjoying peppermint sticks made of almost pure sugar, listening to the new Seal album, wearing a wonderful new sweater and generally basking in the bounty of Christmas. I've also been back to mucking about with collage and stamps and whatnot the past few days, making sets of bookmarks. It's high time I contributed to the household Etsy store, and there are friends I'd like to make them for as well. I'll try to post pictures next time.
It's a bit of a grey day today, and we've yet to have snow, but I got my walk in before the rain. I'm trying to get back to my daily walks and the usual schedule. On the one hand it seems a shame to go winters without snow, but on the other hand I dislike the cold and so do my knees. I do have a good supply of tea and reading material, however, so I think I could stand a bit of wintery whiteness.

My attention seems to be wandering, but by all means, feel free to let me know how your holidays went, and update me on anything else I might have missed. I believe I owe an RP reply or three, so I'll try to get on those, and expect bookmarks in the next post.

In case that hasn't updated just yet, 50,845 words. I could hardly stop at 50,000 when the story wasn't quite completed, could I? That also makes 71 cups of tea. I changed the story title at the last moment, because I was becoming distressed that it didn't accurately fit the story, and the minor correction to simply 'Flight of the Dove' makes it sound like a Western.

My thanks to all who showed support, it wasn't an easy thing to do and I think I'll be glad to not have a wordcount to meet tomorrow. I'm glad to have written it though. I started with two folded scraps of paper on which I wrote down a dream, three or four years ago. I had no knowledge about airplanes, around which the story revolves, and the denouement was a vague and single sentence. What I've written contains a lot of personal feeling, and I have learned more geography and mechanics this month than I normally would in a year.
It is a rough draft, and if I were to critically look it over I'd probably end up with less than 50k of words, but I think overall it shows promise. I have no intention to put it up online unless I decide that I'm really never going to do any more with it, but I am willing to send it by e-mail to any friends who'd like to read it.

Last night I slept in theliving room. My neck has yet to recover. I just may go take a nap now.

47,050 words, 68 cups of tea, 1 day left to go.

Since it's been a while since I posted this:


It's actually 36,708 since I did a bit of writing after midnight, and 58 cups of tea. That's not where I'm supposed to be in wordcount, but it's far enough along that catching up seems feasible. The scene that felt nearly insurmountable two days ago has been drawn to a satisfying close, and I am now on the downhill slope of tying up loose ends. I continue to worry that it's all going along too rapidly and I'll run out of story before 50k, so I welcome any advice or good luck thrown my way.
I have had my good long walk in the wind, a proper if late breakfast, and I intend to type until I can no more or it's time to fetch Bridgielove from work, whichever comes first.

( Making tea )

This was originally written for dragonwhishes and has been slightly edited, posted here at the request of silverton, but as it's gone past six in the morning and I've been up since four, I make no guarantees in regards to my editing skills. I believe I'm going to try going back to bed now.

What is the point of insomnia if you can't write a bloody thing?

I suspect it's a psychological side effect of writing for a main character suffering arthritis of the hands, combined with the recent cold snap, but it's bloody difficult to type when my own hands are aching. Just this afternoon I was struck with pain all across the left knuckles, which painkillers have failed to erase completely.
Hrm.
I have pass 30,000 at least, and am attempting now the denouement, although it worries me that comes with some 20,000 words left to go in the work. I may still have to go back and expand on earlier scenes, which is a process I've already gone through more than once.

Don't mind the whinging. I'm still happy to take replies on my last post.

On an utterly random note, I took a nap and dreamt of Sam Spade sitting alone in the darkened office after hours, visited by a heavyset gentleman come to squeal that he'd been in with Archer's wife on a plot to murder Archer for some third party who offered a great deal of money. As soon as I woke my mind protested that Archer's wife was only suspected briefly in the beginning of the Maltese Falcon, and turned out not to have anything to do with it.

Additionally: Isn't 'unobscured' a proper word? It is in neither the spellchacker nor our dictionary, yet we've come to a consensus that they're both wrong.

I'm game.
What has surprised you the most about me (if anything) since joining my flist? Was anything completely unexpected or have I always fit the picture of me you have in your head? Post this in your own journal and see how you have surprised people!
Anyone who does not find a thing about me surprising, or takes me for a proper British Gentleman, simply does not know me well enough.

I am currently in AIM, although I mean to try to prod at the writing at the same time. Bridgie is behind me with the new laptop doing the same, sans the distraction of an internet connection, and is therefore likely to be more successful. I have passed 28,000 but as we're meant to hit 40,000 by Monday night this is nothing to crow about. I was supposed to be at 30,000 by Wednesday. Bridgielove and I intend to focus very much on writing this weekend, which should be easier with two computers.

I am also on my fifty-first mug of tea for the month. It's astonishing to find out how much of the stuff I drink now.